Let the shots begin!!!

Went in today and got my injection training done!!! Looks pretty easy. I take my 1st dose tomorrow night so wish me luck!!! Got a phone call from insurance and we actually have coverage for the injectable meds. All together we only have to pay $50 for both 1 cycles worth of follistim and the HCG trigger shot. Was excited for that. Makes it soooo much more affordable. Was starting to wonder if we did get pregnant how we were going to afford all the baby stuff. So far my schedule is to take the follistim for the next 3 days starting friday night, which is also my last day of Femara. Then on monday morning I have an ultrasound to check the progress of my follicles. Beyond that I don't know because it all depends on where I am progress wise on Monday. So bring on the needles and lets hope that I can handle giving myself the shots!!!

Psychic reading

I ordered a JennyRenny reading a little while back. It has given me the small amount of hope that I needed to get me through this cycle. Now I just hope it comes true. Here's my reading.

Your reading reveals that your BFP comes the month of May from a cycle that starts in April 2010. The pregnancy shows as twins - girl and boy. Their EDD is refrenced around the 2nd of Febuary 2011 and their birth is shown on the 21st of January 2011.

So keeping my fingers crossed it comes true!!!

Finally.....

We made a decision about the injectables. We decided to give it a shot!!! Nervous about the decision though. Love the increased chance of pregnancy but scared about possible multiples. Hopefully God is on my side!!! I go in tomorrow to learn how to shot myself up and sounds like I will starting Follistism on Friday and then one my follicles are big enough I will be given an HCG trigger shot to tell my body to release my egg(s). So here's to getting that BFP this cycle!!!!

What to do - What to do....That is the ?

Well my lovely period arrived on Saturday on time like usual. So I went back to the RE's today. Got an ultrasound done to check how many baby follicles I have. I have 13 on my right ovary with a small cyst too (they aren't worried about the cyst sinces it's small) and I have 7 on my left so all is good there. They have given me 2 options for the cylce. For both options I will take Femara again CD5 - 7 and starting CD12 I will have to go in to get my follicles checked to see how they are progressing. Once they are big enough I will recieve an HCG trigger shot which will make my eggs release. The only thing we have to decide is if we want to add injectable meds into the mix too or just stick to the Femara. Not sure what to do. Dr said that the injectables will double our chances at pregnancy than just taking the Femara but our chance of multiples goes from 5% up to 20% with the injectables. I don't know which one out ways the other. I'd love to have a higher chance of pregnancy but is it worth the risk of multiples after what happened with Joshua? Nothing scares me more than losing another baby or babies. How do you make these decisions? I never thought it would have to come to this. Dave doesn't want to spend that kind of money with no quarentee it will work but I almost want to give it a shot because I'm I guess you can say desperate to get pregnant. So what to do what to do???? That is my ? of the day.

Called the RE's office today and got my results back for my progesterone level for the 7 DPO blood draw. It was only 6.7. So disappionted since it's supposed to be over 10 for ovulation. The nurse says my OPK's could of been off and we caught the surge on the way up or down. So now I'm just supposed to wait to see if my period comes Saturday or not. If it does I'm to call and it sounds like I will be put on progesterone. If I'm not I'm supposed to call too and it sounds like they will be monitering me by u/s and will be getting a trigger shot when my follicles get big enough to release. I just don't get it. How can my body be so off. I swear I'm pregnant. I'm even having symptoms. Now I'm just starting to think it's all in my head and I'm making myself feel this way. I really just want to give up. If I didn't want a baby so bad I would right this second. I still don't know where I'm going to come up with the strength to move on to the next month of treatments. I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. I feel like I'm on the edge of a cliff about ready to fall off. I feel like a failure as a woman and as a wife. The one thing I am built to do I can't do. It seems like God is playing a cruel joke on me. He gives me this HUGE desire for children but then doesn't give me the means to either carry my own or to adopt. I losing my hope and my faith is this struggle. It feels like I'm in a nightmare I just can't seem to wake up from. I'm ready to wake up God. Preferably before I lose my mind.

Chart

Here's my chart so far!!!

Impending Meltdown

As of right now I am 9 DPO and getting VERY nervous. I feel like I might be pregnant but at the same time I sometimes feel like I'm just wanting this so much that I'm making myself believe I'm pregnant and causing all the symptoms that I'm having. So how to tell the differnce....that is the question of the day????? Here's a list of my symptoms so far and what day they started:

Fatigue 7 DPO
Bloated 6 DPO
Nausea 8 DPO
Irratablity 8 DPO

My dilema is I know that everyone of those symptoms can be explained away as something other than pregnancy but yet I think I feel like I'm pregnant. I don't want to get my hopes up though because I know that it will only make things 10x's worse when my period arrives. Which is due Saturday. I think if it does arrive I'm going to have a total meltdown. I just don't know how I'm going to get enough strength together to do this all over again next month. I losing hope and faith that this will ever happen for us. I just don't understand why it happened so easy the 1st time and yet now this time it's not happening at all. What are we doing wrong? I just need something to go our way for once. I really want to make my husband a Daddy. There's nothing more that my husband and I both want.

Update.....getting nervous

So since last time I had my appt with the RE. Over all it went well. I was put on Femara, which I took CD3 - 7. Only side effect I noticed was a headache the 1st couple of days. I also have to take 1000mg of folic acid since Dave has mild spina bifida. Also have to take 81 mg of Asprin due to the abnormal results from Iowa City so I guess I have a clotting problem. Not liking the Asprin though cause now I bruise way too easy. I have 2 bruised on my R. arm and 1 on my R. leg that I have no idea how I got. Usually it takes alot to bruise me. On CD8 I had a blood draw to check my Estradiol levels. Haven't gotten the results back. Plan on calling Monday to see about the results. Seems like no one gives a crap there. Orginally they wanted to do a U/S on either CD2, 3, or 4 but they didn't do that cause their U/S tech was gone on vacation so they decided to do one on CD8 or 9 but then they didn't and just did the lab draw. I feel like nothing is being done. The point of the U/S's was so they could see how I reacted to the drugs and everything so they know what to do for next month. This was supposed to be a trial/testing month and now it's just been a waste. Now instead of 1 wasted month being tested I'm going to have 2 wasted months. I guess I'm not really out this month till AF arrives but I'm not very optimistic either. Right now I'm on CD16. I think I might of had a +OPK today. So hopefully I will ovulate tomorrow. I've been in alot of pain today, even having sex hurt. We also decided to try preseed this month. Dave loves it. Lets just hope it helps my CM so I can actually might have a chance at getting pregnant this month.