New pic

Thanks to my great friend on my message board I follow I figured out how to take a better pic so here ya go!!!

It's official!!!

I'M PREGNANT!!!!!! Pee'd on another FRER this morning and it was darker so i called the RE's office and she wanted me to come in for a HCG blood draw and to check my progesterone. Got the results back already and the HCG was 44.8 and the progesterone was 26.6 so all is well. I go in monday for a repeat draw. Can't wait to see if my #'s go up. She also said that if my #'s are up anytime after June 7 I can get an u/s done so thrilled about that. She also said that they plan on doing u/s's on me every 2 wks since I'm considered high risk after what happened with Joshua. Glad they are being proactive and actually going to be monitering me. Hopefully we will get our happy ending and actually get to hold our little miracle in our arms and take them home!!! Can't wait to make my husband a daddy!!!! Sorry the pic is so blurry but couldn't get my camara to take a good pic. Not sure y.

OMG

Well I took a Dollar store HPT test yesterday morning at 10DPO and it was negative. Totally freaked even though I expected it. Well I bought some FRER today or I guess technicly yesterday. Just to one and there is a faint positve. OMG OMG OMG I think I'm finally pregnant again. I so can't wait to tell my husband. He will be soooooo happy. I can finally hopefully make him a Daddy. I'm still in shock. OMG!!!!!

Well thats weird

Took a HPT tonight just to see if it would come up positive like all the websites said. Well mine didn't really register anything. I think there might be a very very faint line but you really have to look to see it. I thought with the trigger shot it took 10 days for it to get out of your system? Hope this doesn't mean I'm out for this cycle. Now I'm going to be freaking out I'm sure for the rest of my cycle. Please God just let this be my month. All I want to do is make my husband a Daddy.

Sperm meets egg, well hopefully

May 6 I went in for my Estridol level and it was 180 which was really good. So they had me go in the next day for an u/s to see how my follicles looked. That went even better. Had 2 follicles. One was 20 and the other was 16 (so could have those twins if they both release and fertilize). They told us to take my HCG trigger shot that night. Which I did at 7 PM that night since we decided against the UIU because I was have EWCM which i havent' had at all these months of being on treatments. We figured we might actually have a chance doing it naturally. I guess time will tell. By 10pm that night I was already uncomfortable by 1am it felt like my ovaries were going to explode, it was very painful. Was in pain all night but I felt better at 1 PM when I got up so I'm guessing I ovulated May 8. So now I'm in my tww and I'm sure the time will fly by VEEEEEEERY slowly like it usually does. I plan on testing May 18 which is 10 DPO to see if I am still getting a postive HPT or not that way I know when I do get a +HPT it is a true +. So wish me luck and keep your fingers crossed!!!

And even more tears

Just read up online about estridol levels during stimulation cycles and nothing looks good on my part. My levels today were 55 after 3 days of follistim. Thats what it should be when I started the cycle. So I'm really low. Plus it was talking about antral follicle counts and from what it said I have a low count and basicly I wouldn't even have the option of IVF and have a low chance of pregnancy ever. And with everything it's all adding up to possilby haing a low egg reserve and with that the only option is IVF with donor eggs. We can't even begin to afford that. I just don't understand. I'm so upset right now. I feels like my dreams are being shattered, like my whole world is crashing down around me. I'm starting to think my baby Joshua was my only chance at a baby of my own and that stupid bitch dr took that away from me. It makes me sick at the thought of that and makes me weep for my beautiful son even more. My heart just aches at the thought of what could of been or should I say, what should of been.

More tears

Well tonight was my 4th day of injectables. Gave up on giving it to myself after my hysterical breakdown last night that took 1 1/2 and ended with my husband giving me my shot cause I just couldn't get myself to do it. I had my 1st u/s this morning to check my progress. I thought it went really well. I had 2 follicles on my right side one was 14 and the other was 9. Also had one on my left side that was 12. They said it was looking good and should only have to take 2 more days of the follistim and then I should be ready for the HCG shot on Wednesday. Well boy was everyone wrong. They called 3 hrs later after they go my Estridol level back and it was HORRIBLE. It was only 55 but it should of been over 100 by now. So basicly they may not be any good. They are hoping the smaller ones will do well but theres no guarentee. Basicly my follicles aren't producing estrogen. What else could possibly go wrong. It seems like everything is going wrong once again. I'm not sure I could endure another cycle of injectables. Every night is a battle of the wills trying to get myself to actually stab myself with the stupid needle. Uhhhh I just don't get it. How could I get pregnant with no problem on clomid and now this time not even injectables seems to be working. If they don't work I just don't know what will.

The Dramatic Needle

Well yesterday was my 1st injection of the follistim. Boy was it nerve wracking. I put in the video had everything set up and thought everything was going good up till I had to actually do the injection. I just could not do it. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't do it. Tried to have my husband do it and that made it even worse. It took 45 minutes to finally work up the courage to just stab myself with a tiny 1 inch needle. I cried like a baby and looked like a fool but I did it. The sad part is I barely felt the needle so I made a scene for nothing lol. Tonights injection was way less dramatic and only took 5 minutes to work up the courage to stab myself. Hopefully tomorrow I can just do it without thinking about it. Or at least thats the plan. So here's to hoping for that BFP!!!!