And even more tears

Just read up online about estridol levels during stimulation cycles and nothing looks good on my part. My levels today were 55 after 3 days of follistim. Thats what it should be when I started the cycle. So I'm really low. Plus it was talking about antral follicle counts and from what it said I have a low count and basicly I wouldn't even have the option of IVF and have a low chance of pregnancy ever. And with everything it's all adding up to possilby haing a low egg reserve and with that the only option is IVF with donor eggs. We can't even begin to afford that. I just don't understand. I'm so upset right now. I feels like my dreams are being shattered, like my whole world is crashing down around me. I'm starting to think my baby Joshua was my only chance at a baby of my own and that stupid bitch dr took that away from me. It makes me sick at the thought of that and makes me weep for my beautiful son even more. My heart just aches at the thought of what could of been or should I say, what should of been.